Uncertain Thoughts
by YoungCat
Summary: Young Rin is starting her first day as a nurse at one of the oldest hospitals in Japan. How will she do? Rated M for language, shouldn't read if easily triggered.
1. Chapter 1

Screaming, that's all he could remember. That's all he could hear; the screams. He could feel the vibration on his skin, taste the fear on his tongue, the scent of metal and salt filled his senses. He knew these screams, and he knew the scent of that blood. But every time he tried to pull himself out of the fog of noise and scent, he would fall back in. His long silver hair stained crimson red, fair skin covered in gashes. Looking down at his feet, he saw them...

The heads of his family.

...

Rin slowly drifted awake as the blaring music from her alarm cut through the silence of her small apartment. Sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, she turned to bang down on the snooze button. It's harsh red light shined, telling her that is was five in the morning, and she had thirty minutes to get ready for her first day of work at her new job. Cursing silently to herself, she began her quick morning routine. A five minute shower(which included brushing her teeth), pulling her wild mane of raven colored hair into a bun, washing her face, microwaving a burrito, and applying a little makeup to tone down her tired appearance.

Pulling on her underwear, then her scrubs, filling her illusive cat's bowls with food and water, then stuffing the burrito into her mouth, and grabbing her keys, she was out the door with ten minutes to spare. "Well, here goes nothing," as she started her crappy car, eating a crappy burrito, thinking about getting crappy coffee. So far, because her constant morning pessimism, her day seemed to be pretty crappy. 'Maybe I should have chosen a career that would let me sleep in,' she thought grumpily to herself. Though she knew she wouldn't give up being a nurse for anything.

Ever since she was a child, she wanted to help people. She wanted to heal others, and to be there for those who didn't have anyone. Her career choice had been final since middle school, though she thought she would have to change it because of her size. By the time she was 16, she was only 5'4" and 127 lbs, and in the line of work she wanted to go in, she might have been too short and petite to make much of a difference. Luckily, she had a growth spurt, and now at her 24 years of age, she is 5'9", at 158 lbs. Sometimes she missed her small figure, but she appreciated her soft curves, so her insecurities took a back seat to her ambitions.

...

Rin did pick up some not so crappy coffee, and being in better spirits, she smiled at the large, old building. Pulling her car into an empty spot, her gaze went from the ancient asylum, to the other cars around her. Rin had no problem with dealing with people who were deemed unfit to live with others, but it was making friends with "normal" people that bothered her. Her mother had multiple personality disorder, and Rin herself was mildly bi-polar, though controlled it well. She was worried that her illness would effect her chances of getting this job, but since she had such a clean record, they didn't even bring it up with her. But she was still worried that others would judge her for something she can't get rid of. Sighing heavily to dismiss the sad thoughts, and stepping out of her car, she walked into the giant building.

The entrance hall was fairly empty, save for the clerks desk, and the young man behind it taking a call. He gave her a small wave and distracted smile, before directing her with a pointed finger to the employees only door. Rin had toured The Asylum before she had been hired, so she knew where to go. Turning right into the door that lead to the employee area, she walked right into her boss.

"Ms. Sango!", Rin gasped as she collided with the shorter woman, almost spilling her hot coffee all over the both of them, "I'm so sorry!" The older, brunette woman chuckled.

"Please, call me Sango." She eyed her playfully, "'Ms.' makes me feel much too old." Rin let out a small, nervous laugh. "Well, you're here nice and early, that's a great thing to see in someone so young." The older woman's eyes wandered to the young man behind the desk, giving him an affectionate smile. "I see you've met my younger brother, Kohaku." Rin's eyebrows raised slightly in surprise, "If you ever need me, and you can't find me, just go to him." Turning around, Sango began to walk down the hall, leaving a slightly flustered Rin to follow. "So, what do you think of the building,"

Rin gulped slightly, she wasn't expecting her boss to be curious about her thoughts, "It's um, very old looking," Rin let out a small cry of dismay as Sango completely stopped, and spun around with a smile on her face.

"Yes! Very old!" She said cheerfully, "The Asylum is the oldest mental hospital in Japan!" As she began to walk down the hallway again, she explained the history of the building, and the impact it has had on Japan. 'She really loves this old place,' Rin thought with a small smile. Then she realized that Sango was talking to her, rather than at her, and she asked her to repeat what she had been saying.

"I said," She tutted Rin's wandering mind, "I already have an assignment for you," They had reached the employee lounge, and Rin saw that it was completely empty.

"Where is everyone," She asked. Sango simply chuckled.

"I told you that you were early."

...

Rin sat in shocked silence at hearing what her first assignment would be. She had expected to have a patient on her first day, but not such an extreme patient. "So, what did they assign him here, instead of jail?" My voice cracked, and Sango didn't blame me for being worried.

"His lawyer claimed him to be insane, and the medical evaluators deemed that to be correct." She sighed heavily, "It doesn't help that he's a wealthy lord whose family is one of the oldest in Japan. They paid for him to come here, knowing that he had a relative that works here." Rin stifled a worried whimper, she had just met the mentioned brother, and he was not too happy that she was the one to care for his brother. In fact, she swore Inuyasha was going to punch her in the nose.

"I don't want to seem like I'm complaining, but why choose me?" She asked, "This is my first day working here. I just got out of school. My experience is all theory, not actual practice." Sango's usual cheerful demeanor went very serious, and Rin was worried that she had lost her chance of working here.

"Because there is something about you that I like," She said, leaving it at that. If she liked Rin so much, why was she assigning the young girl with a man who murdered his own family? Why not someone her own age, or an elderly who couldn't care for themselves. Rin's eyes went back to the file she had been handed.

"6'4", 230 pounds." She allowed herself to release a shaky sigh, "Big boy, ain't he?" Sango chuckled at the idea of it. She wouldn't tell Rin that one of the other reasons that she choose her to take care of Sesshomaru was her black belt in many Martial Arts styles, and the fact that she was the tallest woman that worked there. She knew that if she had assigned a man to him, all hell would brake loose. "If he's Japanese, why does he have platinum blond hair, and hazel eyes?" Rin asked curiously, though she couldn't judge, she had hazel eyes, but her father was European, and Sesshomaru was from the oldest family in Japan.

"Past inbreeding, I suppose," She said casually, "Royalty believed in keeping the blood line pure by 'keeping it' in the family." She gave Rin a withering gaze, that caused her to giggle slightly. "He should be arriving very shortly, and when he does," She paused dramatically, "Expect one hell of a first day."

...

Sango wasn't kidding, the file had told her of his size, but this man was huge. Huge, angry, and so strikingly handsome, that Rin wasn't sure if he were the patient. It took eight of the largest male attendants to hold him down, and force him into the room where he would be staying. He had been growling, lashing out to bite, and since he was restrained by a straight jacket, headbutting any unlucky man that came too close. Rin thought she was going to have a panic attack. How in the world would she be able to control that machine of a man.

The answer came to her as quickly as the question left; she wasn't there to control him, she was there to help him. She was here to help others, and she would not discriminate against any patient. Sure, he was a murderer, but he was still a man in pain. The guilt of killing his family had caused him to try multiple times to take his life. Rin made the decision then and there that she was here to help him heal. She would let him know that she was there for him, not there to judge, or persecute him.

As she walked into the room, she told the male attendants to leave. They looked at her as if she was crazy, but left, closing the door behind them. The large lord glared at her, not wanting to believe that she was real. But she walked up to him, placed a gentle hand onto his sweaty forehead, then wrote down some notes onto the papers she had neatly clipped together. Gesturing him to take a seat in front of her, she sat waiting for him to follow. As he did, he studied the woman's face. Bright hazel eyes were the first thing he noticed, then the thick lashes around them, the nicely shaped brows, the shocking black hair that she had tied into a messy bun, the small nose, and full lips.

Her features were exotic, though he saw some Japanese in her. He was disgusted at the idea of other races mixing with Japanese, tainting their blood, causing their numbers to dwindled. Though, he saw nothing but kindness, and open gentleness in the face of the girl in front of him. And that pissed him off more than he actually was. He knew that she could not read his features, though his open display of rage earlier most likely gave her an idea of how he was feeling at the moment.

"So why is a mixed blood nurse attending to me, rather than an actual doctor." His eyes narrowed as she didn't answer his question, but instead wrote something onto her clipboard. "What are you writing," he wasn't expecting an answer.

The way she had flicked her eyes up to meet his own caused him to feel unsteady. "I was just writing down that you're a racist asshole," She smiled sweetly, and he let out a hearty 'HA' at her words.

...

A/N Hope you like it! Please review~


	2. Chapter 2

She knew his willingness to talk to her was too good to be true, that his earlier conversation was him just sizing her up. She sat there in silence, watching as the large man glowered at her from where he sat. But Rin was a very patient girl, she had to be with the type of background she had. She flipped to an empty page, pretending to write as she drew Sesshomaru. He had an exotic face that was completely perfect. As she was drawing him, she would look up quickly at him, and it seemed to annoy him. Perhaps he thinks I'm writing something, she mused in her head, allowing a small smile to play at her lips.

That innocent smile and the gentle look in her eyes annoyed him to no end. She was scribbling something on that goddamned clipboard, and he wanted to know what she was writing about him. But pride kept him silent, and pride kept him calm. He only showed her slight annoyance, but not the rage, sorrow, pain, and sadness he felt as well. She had been there for an hour, and was getting sick of seeing her. The cheery pastel pink of her scrubs was hurting his eyes, her messy hair was hurting his eyes, her scuffed shoes were hurting his eyes, her full lips were hurting his eyes, her beautiful face, the subtle swell of her breasts beneath the baggy scrubs, her long legs as they crossed, her elegant hands, were all hurting his eyes, and annoying him further.

After an hour of just watching him, she turned the clipboard to him. She enjoyed the small flash of surprised appreciation barely touching his face. She further enjoyed the small snarl the graced his perfect lips.

"I will be back to reevaluate you tomorrow." And she turned to walk out the door. Rin's calm demeanor quickly vanished as soon as the door was locked behind her. Her whole body started to shake, and she let herself slide down the wall to sit on the cold floor. She hadn't been that nervous and scared for a very long time, and it was thrilling. A manic smile crept to her lips when she realized how controlled she had been.

Rin knew she was going to enjoy helping this man.

...

_A/N yeah, I think I'm going to do this whole story in short chapters. _


	3. Chapter 3

"Being fed by you is degrading, and I refuse to eat if you insist on making _train _noises." The indignant lord glared at Rin through pale gold lashes, and bared unnaturally sharp canines. The threat went unnoticed, and Rin continued the little game knowing that all Sesshomaru had was hollow threats. Plus, his restraints kept her safe.

"Oh posh, you big puppy dog." She cooed as he ate a spoonful of rice, placing the empty bowl back onto the tray. She started to see the effects of his medication take over, and she wrote down the results of his actions. She didn't like medicating him, but Dr. Sango had been very specific with wanting him drugged up.

...

_"It could get him to talk to you, without the unnecessary aggression." The bubbly woman chimed at Rin, both drinking coffee while going over Sesshomaru's file. _

_"I still don't like it, it feels dishonest." She pouted, causing the older woman to scoff._

_"He will not be affected in any negative way. He may actually be grateful that he doesn't have to destroy his pride just to talk about his feelings. And it's not like you're drugging him beyond repair. He will completely aware of you, your questions, and the sessions you'll both have." Rin stared unhappily into her coffee, she still didn't like it. _

_..._

"Subject is now smiling, seeming more relaxed. Almost childlike in behavior." After three unsuccessful tries of only writing their sessions, Rin had brought in the tape recorder she used in college. She kept her eyes only on Sesshomaru, and much to her discomfort, he kept his eyes on her. The first time he had the medication, he was very angry at being tricked, though after they took complete affect he sang a different tune completely. Now however, he seemed almost completely alert, yet still relaxed and almost happy. The soft smile that played on his lips as he looked at her made her heart jump.

"You smell nice today, nurse mutt." Brow raising slightly at the statement, and not so much the nickname, she decided to humor him.

"How do I smell any differently than I usually do?" His smile turned mischievous. Leaning forward, his gilded eyes shut and he inhaled deeply, shuddering as he breathed out. The action was more sexual than she could imagine, but her poker face remained. She watched as the platinum blond strands that escaped his braid fell over his broad shoulders when he sat back. Her eyes flew back to his when they opened lazily, staring into her own.

"You've started your monthly bleeding, have you not?" She was floored, mask slightly shattered by the surprising and correct statement. A hint of blush crept up towards Rin's naked face, and her eyes couldn't move from his own. He smiled a slow, mean smile at her slightly flustered state. "I enjoy your scent, mutt. It's intoxicating and rich, like cheap red wine." Her mask was up once again, and she ignored the backhanded and strange compliment.

"Well, you have quite the nose." Was all she could say. She pushed the strange thoughts out of her mind, and the sudden heat at her core caused her to squirm. His smile grew wider, though the malice she had seen before was gone.

"It runs in the," he frowned slowly, "family." Rin's eyebrows shot up in alarm. Sesshomaru never brought up his family, and she was ordered to do the same. Gold eyes slowly lifted to her own, and the anguish she had seen made her heart ache. His face scrunched in pain, and she was up in an instant wrapping an arm around his trembling, massive frame. She was finally making progress.

...

_A/N can you guess what's going to happen?_


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N I've literally been typing a couple words a day, that's how much I hate this story right now... You don't know close I was to killing Rin in this chapter._

_This story is killing me... I'm so unmotivated, (/-o-)/_

_..._

As soon as her arms wrapped around his large frame, his trembling lessened. She felt him move his face to rest near her breasts, taking a deep breath. Bastard, she thought to herself as she tried to move away. Feeling a small tug at her shirt, she gasped at the sight of her scrubs being held at breast level between his unusually sharp teeth. A large grin and mischievous golden eyes mocked her through platinum blonde bangs.

"Let go," She said sternly, earning a deep chuckle.

"Make me," was his muffled response. As much as she wanted to pull away, they both knew the flimsy scrubs would tear from his sharp teeth. As her hand reached up to pry his mouth open, a very threatening growl sounded from his chest. Rin froze as he began to sit up straight, scrubs still clenched between his teeth. The feeling of the cloth slowly riding up over her stomach, and exposing her skin was very erotic to her. If this had been a different situation, and with a different man(or not), Rin would have been enjoying this. But now being in a small room with a mad man, she could only let a little excitement run through her veins.

"Sesshomaru," the young woman cursed the slight trembling of her voice, wishing she at least sounded unfazed by his actions. He sat up until he was eye level with her. Her hands were balled into fists, and she was shaking, but her face remained the passive mask of calm. Smoldering golden orbs glowered, blinked slowly, and then closed completely. They were in that position for what seemed like forever, until Rin heard a familiar "click". Her eyes widened, and fear began to crawl its way up to her throat to form a scream. But before she could call for help, a large white hand slapped over her mouth. How the fuck did he break through the restraints, she screamed to herself.

He stood, hand still over her mouth, and the other holding her hands behind her back. Even at her tall height, she only reached his chest. She looked away from his face when he began to stand, and she refused to look up at him now. The pad of his thumb rubbed against her soft cheek, and his grasp over her mouth relaxed slightly enough for her breathe.

"Look at me," he demanded softly as he pulled his hand away. Of course she disobeyed, and wouldn't even respond. Grabbing her arms, he pulled her up to his face, causing her to cry out. "I said," he growled out, hot, sweet breath hitting her face. "Look at me." Gingerly licking her lips, which caught his attention, she rose her bright hazel eyes. The mask she had learn to wear so carefully was now shattered, as her fear and anger shone through causing her eyes to light up. Interesting, he thought. "Good, now," He whispered evilly, leaning until his lips nearly touched hers, "we're going to play a little game," her breath caught.

Holy shit, she thought, what have you gotten me into, Sango?

...

_A/N ugh, UGH. _


	5. Authors Note

I'm working a lot more, so I've literally been typing only a word a day. Sorry for the delay, but I'm not going to update for a while. Hopefully you won't forget about me. I do have half chapters for the stories, so I'm not quitting, just focusing on what's important.

Ttyl.


	6. Chapter 5

Rin eyed the obviously triumphant lord coldly, calculating as her mind began to calm. She slowly let her fear slip out of her thoughts, and began taking even breaths. The arrogance of his tone kept her from fearing for her life, and let her realize that he didn't know she has more than a few tricks up her sleeves. The sudden upper hand caused her to smirk.

"Why are you grinning, mutt?" Sesshomaru's cocky attitude would be his downfall, and his underestimation of Rin's ability to care for herself was laughable. He caressed her cheek, traced her jaw, and playfully tugged at her bottom lip. Even though she was currently allowing him to have such close proximity, she couldn't help the excited shudder she released as he touched her gently. "So you like being petted," his deep voice whispered sensually into her ear, "I will pet you then, until you beg to be my slave." His hot breath, and the promise of him pleasuring her weakened her knees, and nearly made her wish she wasn't going to to what she was about to do.

"As much as the invitation tempts me," Rin spoke gently, placing a firm hand onto the large mans arm, "Unfortunately, I must decline." Gripping his hospital scrubs, she used his weight and position against him, tossing him easily over her shoulder. He landed flat on his back, the air being forced from his lungs as she pinned him before he could recover. Pain marred his previously victorious features, but surprised and soon a large grin took pain's place. He could not move, but he was so impressed by her technique, and the fact that he felt every curve of her pressed against him, made him forget that she gripped his arm in a vicious lock.

Rin desperately tried to ignore the effects her body being pressed into him was having. As she moved to tighten her grip, she could feel his erection straining against his trousers, hard, hot, and _huge_. She blushed fiercely as she moved across his body to secure her hold, knowing that she was rubbing him. A hearty growl built in his chest, and his eyes closed tight. Sharp teeth bit into the still grinning, full bottom lip, and his expression in that moment was so incredibly arousing, the young nurse almost released him.

"I will choose to ignore you assaulting me, mutt." his voice still a sexy whisper, "Release me, young one. Let me reward you for being able to surprise me." His nose gently nuzzled her neck, causing goosebumps to rise on her heated flesh. "I wish to taste you, even in your current state, you must taste divine." Alright, was he seriously suggesting her to allow him to eat her out while she was on her period? Though, however embarrassing the request was, something dark stirred in Rin's stomach. She heated at the idea of seeing his beautiful mouth covered with her blood. She could feel the sweet pressure between her legs, and she trembled as his long tongue traces its way across her jaw.

_'What should I do, Sango?'_

_A/N_

_So, if you read my other story, Falling, you'll see that I've finally gotten a computer. However, my chapters are going to be much shorter than what they originally were. I'm sorry, :c However, I hope you like it!_

_P.S. this story is a little dark when the sexy things come up, so if you get grossed out easily, don't read it. _


	7. Chapter 6

_A/N, I am warning you, it gets a little dark... so uh, trigger warning. _

The few moments of them lying there felt like hours. Her heart beat raced so quickly, she swore he could feel it through her breasts. Sesshomaru's lips and tongue continued to make work of her neck, causing shivers and quite mewls of pleasure to escape her lips. She had the upper hand of keeping him down, but if she were to let him go she wouldn't be able to handle the situation. "Let me go," his voice held such delicious promise that she ached for him, "Let me have you, Rin."

The sound of her name rolling off of his sinful tongue, and having that same tongue roll over her bottom lip caused Rin to lessen her hold by mistake. A triumphant grin played at his lips, and he quickly flipped her around onto her back. One large hand had both of hers pinned above her head, and she thrashed in his hold for him to release her. Without warning, his mouth was quickly on hers, teeth clashing, causing her tender bottom lip to split. His long tongue forced it's way into her mouth, causing her to arch herself into him to try to escape.

As he released her mouth to allow her to breathe, Rin reeled back to spit into his face. Expression never changing as the spittle landed with a "splat", his hand went up and he smacked her hard against the cheek. Rin could taste blood in her mouth, and the pain from the large mans slap almost caused her to pass out. "Behave, or I will give you pain." Tears burned in her eyes, but refusing to cry, she stayed silent. Gently licking her now reddened cheek, he began to touch her breast through her scrubs.

_A/N, Next few chapters will be a little violent. _


End file.
